Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Gentle Fluttering of Butterflies

I believe I first felt the movements of the baby (who is now the size of an heirloom tomato and weights almost one pound!) around a month ago. I was watching Aladdin and had just eaten a dinner of macaroni and cheese and chicken when I felt a strange movement in my abdomen. I brushed it off as mere digestion. Later that night I felt it again, a pushing sensation, not unlike the feelings common to one who has just eaten a meal.

These strange movements, feelings common to one who has just eaten a meal, have become more and more frequent in the last week or so. It makes sense, because I am nearly 20 weeks pregnant and should certainly be feeling something by now. I assume these feelings are the baby as I feel them all throughout the day, whether I have eaten or not, and all throughout my belly. Normally digestive movements are more localized. These are near my pelvis, near my ribs, under my belly button, on the left side, on the right get the picture.

When I was freshly pregnant, (not the wise and knowing veteran that I am now) I would imagine what it would feel like when the baby moved. I read the books and the websites that described the feeling and they were full of smooshy similies like, "It feels like the fluttering of butterflies", or "The baby's movements are like a gentle sensation, just enough to let you know there is life in you".

I am not quite so eloquent. First I thought it was gas. Now it feels exactly like being kicked from the inside. Which is precisely what it should feel like.

Also, my perfectly civilized and normal looking innie belly button is rapidly losing its civility. It is becoming more and more shallow and soon I will have a full outie belly button. Oh the things I suffer for this child. I can only imagine the indignities I will suffer from here on.

However, there is one distinct advantage to being pregnant. I have a perfect reason for the kids at the shelter to appropriate in what they talk about. I tell them my baby can hear what they are saying, and that they need to make sure what they're talking about is ok for a baby to hear.

Last night this worked out beautifully. I was working on the boys wing (oh the little heart stealing boys) and one of them was having a wonderful time amusing himself by making fart sounds. I know little boys do this, and I wasn't terribly offended, but after three straight hours of the incessant fart rhythm coming from his mouth I was tired of it. So I said "Rupert" (I changed his name to protect his privacy) "Rupert, I want you to know that my baby can hear all those fart sounds you are making, as well as everything else you say. So if my baby comes out making fart sounds and talking about weiners and scratching butts, then I will tell everyone it's your fault."

It was wildly successful as this statement made Rupert's brother (who was throwing himself a pity party) laugh, made Rupert stop making fart sounds, and intiated the invention of the game "Who Can Say the Funniest Thing to Miss Sadie's Baby".

The boys would stand next to my belly and say "Baby? Baby can you hear me? Baby, make sure that lots of pizza!" or "Baby? Baby! Um.....make sure you party like a rockstar!" and countless other priceless instructions for my child. Each set of instructions was followed by loud laughter, as if that person had just said the funniest thing in all the history of funny things. If they said something mean or rude like, "Baby, make sure you don't listen to your mom!" I would tell them the baby wasn't listening to them anymore and then they would apologize profusely and follow up with much better advice, like be sure to always drink your milk.


dawn said...

i really want to work with you on the boys' wing now. i almost choked on my peanut butter and crackers when i read, "always drink you milk" because my warped mind imagined a baby constantly attached to your chest, like when we're walking at the gym or in class or driving down the road or at the grocery store or at church. i think all the airplane stewardesses would get pissed and ban you from flying with them. (i said it came from my warped mind that is tired of thinking for everyone and telling them what to do, not my normal, rational, clear as a bell mind.)
another reason that i'd like to work with you on the boys wing is i'm tired of my new position as elise. i want to go back to new floater who has absolutely no idea what i'm doing and everyone else tells me what to do. boys would be so much more fun than whiney cry babies week after week.

Ann said...

Wouldn't it be funny if someone invented a belly bra for pregnant women so no one could see that outie belly button through shirts?

dawn said...

that's gotta be it. he thinks i'm the mother of your child. wait... i don't think that works. we're going to have to take everyone to the covered wagon soon. (and when i say take everyone, i do not mean pay for anyone... geez, that would be stupid) maybe he'll give us discounts since we're jbu students and his former employees. whadya think?

rusty said...

remind me to tell you about it's pretty cool

funkymonkey said...

you changed blogs!!! ahhh!!! well, i'm visiting your new one, since i seem to never visit your site anymore...sigh...wasn't the cop last night fantastic? I loved what he had to say.