Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The Possible Uses of a Cat

We have two cats.

Well, I guess we have one and a half cats. Squid is surely and truly our cat. I picked him from a box of kittens, we've had him fixed and have taken him to the vet more times than I'd care to remember for shots, UTI's, etc. Remington's ownership, on the other hand, is stuck somewhere in limbo. We were babysitting him, then foster parenting him, and now possibly keeping him. It's unclear.

Squid is the perfect cat for us. He's long and lean and refined, to the point that he can come off a bit snooty. He doesn't really like people, especially the kind of people who are small and will pull his tail. He prefers his people to be quiet, slow moving, and fond of scratching his face. He prefers a civilized side snuggle to a full on lap snuggle. He's something like a loveable British snob. Squid is also almost entirely self-sufficient. Really the only assistance he requires is pouring his brandy and lighting his cigar.

Remington is an completely different story. He is small and fluffy and only sleeps on every third full moon. He meows just to hear is own voice. He believes his cat food to be somehow less desireable than people food and will go to great lengths to eat whatever we leave out. Once he ate through a plastic bag to get to the biscuits I made for my breakfast. His fluffy hair makes him impervious to the spray bottle effect. He likes to scratch at the carpet beneath our bedroom door from 3:30-5:00am and will only stop when we put up a three foot barricade. I believe he also suffers from chronic gas. Personified, he would be an American pig, prone to overindulging in hot wings and beer, often waking up in the backyard with his underwear on his head.

Because Remington drives us bonkers, even though we love him, we have begun discussing other uses for him. Discussing the possible uses for a cat can be quite fascinating. Rusty came up with this idea on Thursday night when he thought it would be fun to try wearing Remington as a hat. He looked rather stylish. Unfortunately, he did suffer a nasty scratch on his nose. Remington and I were snuggling while watching a movie on Friday when I discovered another use. Remington is no side snuggler, he is a total in your face snuggler. I managed to push him down to my neck so I could breathe, and realized he would make an excellent scarf. This also leads me to believe that he would be useful in keeping winter hands warm. Additionally, his fluffy hair makes him an excellent candidate for being used to dust the house.


dawn said...

you're such a goober!

Ann said...

Ha! I love it that Squid is a brandy drinker.

Garrett said...

i am partial to your Xanga