Having just watched the last half hour of The Hills in which one very tan and blonde girl freaked out about burning her ball dress and then rode around Paris on the back of a Vespa, while another very tan and blonde girl stressed about whether she wanted to be a fashion designer, I began to wonder what kind of show would turn out if a network thought it would be a good idea to film my life.
We shall call it Sadie-Tastic.
I like to imagine that Sadie-Tastic would be a hit, sucking millions of viewers a week. Viewers who plan their entire week around Sadie-Tastic, forgoing social activities, homework, chores and even bathroom breaks in order to tune in. Viewers who spend every day that I am not on TV pondering what I will do on the next episode.
I like to imagine that it would be a glamorous show, artfully capturing the bliss and drama of my charmed (but not too charmed) life. It would chronicle my adventures with my uber-fancy job, that I drive to every day in my shiny new car. It would highlight my humor and wit, and make a point to always show how beautiful my hair is. It would capture my superb skills in cooking, home decorating, tattoo artistry, and top model making.
However, I know this would not be the case. If I was to have a reality show about my life, if my daily activities were to become televised, it would likely involve me wrangling several small children and two psychotic cats and one husband with facial hair.
I am already imagining the episode titles. "Bodily Fluids" could probably be a series in itself. "Mismatched and Mom Doesn't Care" could be another one. "Fight Amongst Yourselves, I'm Not a Referee", one of my personal favorites. "Who Ate Which Bug", "The Many Faces of Macaroni", "Why the Laundry Doesn't Get Done" and "Adventures in Tying Hundreds of Small Shoes" potential others.
Think, Jon and Kate Plus 8, with 100 times less organization and 29470 times more mess.