Thursday, May 15, 2008

When the Puke Hits the Fan

I had two things I had to get done today. Go to Bible Study at two and go to Dr's at four-thirty. Those two things actually added a number of other things I had to do since I had to get showered, get dressed, get Norah dressed, and feed Norah and myself all by two. Tough work for someone who rarely showers before noon.

I was doing well at 11, I had eaten already and was thinking about showering, but Norah was still awake. We were in the middle of our morning singing time, when she lays on my legs and holds my hands and I sing 'You are My Sunshine' while moving her arms up and down like a wild conductor and Norah smiles like a goofy baby. (I make it sound like we have some kind of daily routine when in reality we do not. Singing in the morning is about the most routine it gets around here.) I decided we would sing one more time and then I would put her to sleep.

But as these things go, Norah (who is really the boss of the house) decided she would rather puke on me than go to sleep.

You know in the Exorcist? When the demon-girl projectile vomits all over the place? Norah did that this morning. In fact, I fully expected her to turn her head completely around and then speak to me in Latin. She didn't spit up, she didn't politely vomit down her front. She spewed, all down herself, all over my lap and the blanket behind us and the couch. And then she did it again, leaving both of us soaked in baby vomit. Luckily baby vomit really isn't very nasty as it consists solely of breastmilk. I sat there for a few minutes, and all I could do was laugh because it really was pretty funny. Norah wasn't bothered by the fact that the two of us were befouled, she looked chipper. And I knew it would make for an excellent blog entry.

Obviously we couldn't sit in puke any longer. I was starting to get cold but for the life of me couldn't figure out how I was going to clean both of us and the couch. Norah was only wearing a diaper because we had experienced a poop issue when she woke up, which ended up being in my favor. But where to start with the puke? Should I put her in the bath and bathe her while I was still soaked? Should I take a shower with her? Should I take a bath with her? Should I shower and then clean her up? And what about the couch? What's a poor mommy to do???

I put her in her bed, then got her bathtub from the guest bathroom where the water pressure is so low it takes 15 minutes to fill an infant tub. Then I went to my bathroom and turned the water on, took off my clothes and put on a robe. Then I cleaned the couch. Next, I started to fill her tub and I changed her diaper and carried her to the bathroom, placing her in her tub. Looking back, I should have bathed her and then put her back in bed while I showered, but clearly I am not very smart.

Bright idea number 1: I climbed in the tub with her, thinking I could bathe myself while she was in her tub because she was close enough to me that I could keep a hand on her. Unfortunately the infant tub was bigger than I thought, so there was no way I could do that.

Bright idea number 2: I took the handheld shower head down, thinking I could shower with it while sitting in the tub. I would still be close enough to her to be safe, but could clean myself too. However, I turned the wrong knob and when the water came out the shower it came out the wrong head and sprayed Norah, which she did not like. Poor baby.

Resigned to the fact that I was not going to bathe myself, I picked her up, dried her face off and washed her as we shared the bathtub with a giant infant bathtub, now sans infant. Besides sharing the tub with the other tub, it was kind of nice, but she hadn't pooped since she ate and I was worried that, given the morning's events, she was going to poop on me and dirty the waters, otherwise we would have stayed in there a bit longer. So I got her out, wrapped her in a towel and then put on another robe.

Around 40 minutes later I got to take a shower and clean myself up. But in the end we made it to both Bible Study and Dr's on time, so all in all, I'd say today was a success.

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