Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Sleepless

Normally Norah goes to sleep at nighttime without a fraction of the fuss that it takes to go to bed in the daytime. Normally it goes down like this: I pull out the jammies, the diaper, the powder, and the lotion. Norah gets to lay naked for a bit while I lotion her up, powder her booty, put on a fresh diaper and then jammies. Then she eats on one side and I'll read her a book (maybe) and then she'll eat on the other side. And then, I put her in her bed and she talks to herself until she falls asleep. She prefers to put herself to sleep but if I had it my way we would go back to snuggling until she falls asleep.

But oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. My. The past two nights have been excursions into the deepest, darkest levels of mama-hell rivaling even the bawling session of our first night at home.

The past two days Norah has refused to sleep in the afternoon, choosing instead to stay awake for 5 hours straight. 5 HOURS! A baby should not stay awake that long. I tried to put her to sleep for 2 whole hours yesterday and SHE. WOULD. NOT. SLEEP. So when it comes time for bed Norah is so tired she can't eat and she can't sleep and all she does is scream.

For the past two nights Rusty and I have walked all around the house with varying degrees of bouncing and swinging. We have hummed and sung and shhh'd until our mouths were dry and chalky. We have put her in bed only to hear her scream and turn red in the face. I tried to feed her even in the fail-proof lying down and feeding position. I gave her Mylicon drops to help a tummy ache I wasn't even sure existed. I even resorted to the pacifier. And all Norah did was scream scream scream. The only time she was quiet was when she was eating. FROM A BOTTLE!

Finally, completely exhausted from all the SCREAMING, Norah accepted her bed and lay there talking to herself, crying a few times until she fell asleep. At least I think she is asleep.

Midway through I was so frustrated and tense I thought I was going to throw up. I had a ball in the back of my throat, my jaw was tense and aching, my shoulders were full of knots and I was too wound up even to cry. And I really wanted to cry. Mostly because my baby was upset and I didn't know how to fix it. Mostly because I felt so absolutely helpless.

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