Sunday, August 3, 2008

Blurring Lines

I think I am losing my mind.

Last night I was working. I walked down the hall to the dining room and when I passed the girls' TV room I heard a crying baby. I walked into the room and saw our youngest girl (5yrs) holding one of those baby dolls that cries until you give it a bottle. She was just sitting there holding it so I said "Your baby's crying. Is she sick?" She shook her head no so I walked over to her and stuck my finger in the doll's mouth to make it stop crying. I told her that sometimes when my baby cries I put my finger in her mouth and she stops.

The resident smiled at me and then I walked out to finish whatever I was doing.

A few minutes later I walked by again and heard the baby doll crying again. I stuck my head in and said "Your baby is crying again! Is she ok?" The girl told me she didn't have a sippy cup for her doll and just sat there letting the doll cry. So I went to the giant toy chest because I knew, somewhere in that cave of toys there had to be at least one baby bottle or sippy cup. I dug and dug and dug and the doll continued to cry and the more I dug the more panicked I started to feel. I felt the tightening in my stomach and chest that I feel when Norah cries and I started to think Gotta help the baby. Gotta help the baby. It would not have been a surprise if my milk had let down, I was that into it.

I continued to dig for something, anything, to help the baby until, in a flash of lucidity, I remembered that it was a doll and that I was acting like a lunatic.

I stopped digging and handed the girl a fake ketchup bottle to give to her baby. Then I walked out of the TV room and took a deep breath, walked back to my office and told myself to get a freaking grip already.

This motherhood? Is one tough business.

4 comments:

innerworking said...

oooh.... not good sadie...not good.

dawn said...

you make me smile.

Suzie said...

That is too funny. What a cute picture too.

dawn said...

like where? i have blotches on my back where my ponytail was.