Monday, October 6, 2008

Status Quo

Facebook has this nifty feature where you can update your status. So your profile can say something like "Sadie is attempting to wrangle the escaped cats while wearing nothing but a filmy negligee" or "Sadie thinks that sweet potatoes are the greatest invention since sliced bread" or "Sadie would really love a Subway sandwich right about now". Recently I have had two status (statuses? statii?) that deserve some clarification.

Saturday- Sadie is cooking and facebooking. What is the world coming to?

I recently found out that I have high cholesterol. After hearing the news I first convinced myself that it was a fluke, that breastfeeding and pregnancy had caused a spike and clearly I was fine. Then I convinced myself that there had been a mistake, and like Jasmine said, I was getting the results for some 56 year old man's tests and he was would get a phone call saying his breastfeeding was going fine.

Sadly, no. I truly have high cholesterol, way too high for a woman my age and in my physical condition (you know, all athletic and muscular and in shape...) so I really do have to make some changes in my diet. THANKS ALOT GENETICS! You have given me sideways growing hair, dark undereye circles and fatty blood. Next time I see you, remind me to kick you in the shin. Gone are the days when I called Ramen noodles and Oreos a well-balanced meal. In the name of Not Having A Heart Attack in 10 Years, I am really trying to eat more veggies and fruits, more whole grains, less red meat, so on and so forth.

Don't let me make you think that I have to go on some kind of tasteless, cardboard diet. In fact, the foods I have been eating the past week are really delicious: Roasted sweet potatoes, baked chicken and wild rice, asparagus, whole grain bread, dark chocolate. I just have to cut back on steaks, burgers, fried foods, whole sticks of butter and heavy whipping cream. Sad, I know.

But the really ironic part of this whole fat blood thing, is this: Last week I was making this huge deal about how I don't like to cook, I hate to cook, the very thought of cooking makes my heart cringe. And you know what! I don't intend to change! I can be a good wife and mother without loving to cook. It is an outdated and sexist system that makes women think they are only worth their skill in the kitchen! And just for that I'm not going to cook anything that takes longer than three minutes to prepare! HAHAHA!

Funny thing is, heart healthy food does not come pre-packaged. So we find ourselves with Saturday's status, when I was standing in the kitchen with a spatula in one hand, typing on facebook with the other.

Monday- Sadie is going to punch the guy behind her if he calls his wife one more mushy name like "angel girl". PUKE.

I was having a homework emergency and needed to use a book that is on hold in the school library. So I trekked all the way to school only to find that the book wasn't actually there. Never one to waste a trip to the library, I sat down at one of the computers to try and wade my way through some statistics homework using the infinite wisdom of Wikipedia. I hate statistics, for the record. I enjoy my major, think psychology is awesome and good and particularly enjoy abnormal psych. But anything having to do with statistics? Death on stale toast. Which is why I intend to use my degree to stay at home and psychologically analyze my children.

So there I was, drowning in z scores and Spearman-Brown split half reliability scores and SEM when the guy behind me answers his cell phone. Annoying enough, since I lost everything I had just read about reliability coefficients in that first ring, but when he answered it with "Hey Angel Girl", I knew it was going to be a rough conversation to live through. He proceeded, talking to his wife in a high pitched love-y voice and called her Baby, SweetFace, and Angel Girl one more time before mercifully ending the conversation.

I contained my simultaneous nausea and rage since he had stopped talking, and was just about to decipher other wonky coefficient when his phone rang again. Again with the Angel Girl. And this disgusting name calling continued until I, in an effort to refrain from reaching behind me and jabbing my finger in his eye socket, updated my facebook status.

Never in my life have I been so sickened by another person's pet names. But it was pretty bad.

6 comments:

Garrett A. Brown said...

What about our Lard parties? Why have you forsaken them?!?!

LaurenFaith said...

Oh, Sadie, how you make me laugh. I took Statistics online when we moved to Massachusetts, and I was convinced that it is a tool that Satan uses to bring people to him... you know, because Christ would not make his believers take and subsequently fail Statistics. I did not fail. But I barely passed with a C. AND I had a teacher who, when asked a question that the book did not explain, would respond in an email a week later (after the assignment was turned in) with "Read your book."


oy vey. I feel your pain.

Grandma J said...

Sadie, you can blame me for the dark undereye circles. Sorry about that.

Jasmine said...

Sometimes I just skim through your long posts and look for my name. If it is there... I find it worth reading.


Okay. Just kidding.

Maybe.

Mario said...

what I hate are the kind of people who take simple sweet words like babe and morph/mutate them into crap like "baybee" with an emphasis on the "AY" and "EE" DRIVES ME UP THE FRICKIN' WALL! but then I receive a call from my love and promptly assume the same behavior. soooo, yeah...that wasn't really necessary, keep them posts coming!

dawn said...

JJ and i don't have any pet names. not even honey or dear or sweetheart. they just feel so wierd to say, so we don't say them. i called him beau a few times, and still do occassionally. i guess that might be a pet name. is our relationship doomed to fail since we don't have pet names?