Friday, October 24, 2008

What No One Tells You

There are alot of things about being a mom that no one tells you. Sure, you hear about the lack of sleep, the rotten diapers that will make your eyes water, the inevitable time when your kid throws up in your bed. You also hear about all the wonderful things like the heart-squelching love. But I have discovered, in these past 6 months, that there are ALOT of things no one ever reveals.

For example, no one ever explains how you are supposed to go to the bathroom in a public place when you are laden with a non-walking child, a diaper bag, and a shopping cart cover and when the store prohibits carts being brought into the bathroom (as if you could even fit that gigantic cart through the tiny door frame and hairpin hallway turns!).

So you, being a woman with less than perfect bladder control since you have had a child, will decide it just has to be done, despite the obstacles. You will hang your bag and cart cover on the tiny, practically useless hook. Then you will undo your pants with one hand, holding your non-walking child with the other. Then you will do your business, all the while holding your non-walking (but conveniently squirmy) child in front of you. Then you'll stand up. Here's the hard part: How do you pull your pants back up with only one hand? And if you get that far, then you will really be stuck with the zipping and the buttoning. So you will make the executive decision to leave the stall with your pants undone, saunter over to the changing table where you can safely deposit your child, and then, sans baby, put yourself back together. And if anyone happens to be in the bathroom when you do this, you can comfort yourself by remembering that time when a roomful of strangers saw you naked from the waist down.

After putting yourself back together you will change your baby's diaper with no trouble, because you are quite adept in the changing diaper arena. But when you reach to throw the diaper away you will accidentally knock your cart cover into a puddle of something (surely just water) on the floor. So much for protecting the kid from germs. And finally, you will want to punch your own self in the face when you leave the bathroom, winded and breathing heavily, and see a sign that reads: Family Bathroom Located in the Pharmacy for Your Convenience.

7 comments:

dawn said...

oh sadie...

Jasmine said...

you crack me up!

wendy said...

I'm fairly sure you were directly infront of me checking out at old navy. I didn't notice until you were out the door bc I was neck deep in an email to Shannon begging to be removed from the phonelist due to calls I keep getting from the same people asking me to cover their shifts. argh.

Mrs.Freeman said...

Hey Sadie. I can totally relate to your post!! One time I was stuck sitting in the Target's handicapped bathroom stall for over an hour because Allison decided that she wanted to be nurse right then and there. I thought I would never see the light.

Sadie said...

Trang that is hilarious! I always nurse Norah in the dressing rooms because they are much more comfortable. And less stinky.

wendy said...

my desire to be mistaken as madeline has to stem from my mother's penchant for dressing me in berets and patent leather shoes. when wearing these, other kids would ask me if I was French. and I'd just reply, "oui".

I promise I'm not creepy.

Jasmine said...

LOL....