Sunday, November 16, 2008

Weaponry

When I was pregnant, especially toward the end, when I couldn't see my feet and had a pronounced waddle, people frequently held doors open for me. I appreciated this, but always thought it strange, because really, my arms worked perfectly fine when opening doors. Shaving my legs was difficult. Painting my toenails was near impossible. But opening doors was not a problem.

Now that I am no longer pregnant, strangers open doors for me much less frequently. Weird, because when I had two available arms I rarely had to open doors, but now, when I am lucky to have one available arm what with the baby, diaper bag, stroller, blanket, extravaganza that I usually lug around, people seem oblivious to my need.

So, the intrepid mother that I am, I have learned to open and close doors with my butt.

The other day I was returning home from yet another rainy shopping trip. I pulled into the garage and started taking out my 8 bags of stuff. Fully loaded, I shut my car door with my arm, but didn't get it all the way closed. So I swung my butt into the door, a fluid motion that closed the door and kept me walking toward the house, but apparently my butt is alot bigger than I thought. Not only did I shut the car door. I also left a rather large dent in the door.

I'd better be careful what kinds of doors I open with my butt from now on. I would hate to bust the glass in the Gap's door.

4 comments:

Matt Cleaver said...

You got skillz.

Jasmine said...

oh wow. i can see that.

Aidan and Zachary said...

That is good!

Jenny said...

Remember when I knocked you over with my butt in 8th grade chorus?? Yeah, I try not to shut car doors with my butt now.